Time-out can be an effective strategy when dealing with difficult behaviors if the parent/professional thinks through how to use time-out as a brief time-away from an unpleasant situation rather than punishment.

Time-out can give both adults and children some needed time away from a challenging situation. Some children need only a brief time away in order to make better choices. Proper use of time-out can help a child to learn self-control.

On the other hand, time-out can be used ineffectively and can easily become punishment, or feel like punishment to a child. Below is my personal list of do’s and don’ts, followed by a list of issues to think about before using this strategy.

Do…

• Put thought into the purpose of time-out and how/when you will use this technique
• Use time-out to help a child to regain self-control
• Use time-out for short periods of time
• Tailor your family’s use of time out to your individual child
• Devise a plan for consistency with other family members
• Involve your child in discussions of rules, guidelines along the purpose of time-out
• Use time-out before the situation escalates and child is uncontrollable
• Be sure your child is aware of specific guidelines and clear expectations
• Be sure your child is clear about specific undesirable behaviors that are not appropriate
• Be firm, fair and a positive role model
• Be sure your child feels safe while using this method
• Be available to talk with your child before s/he returns to play/work
• Be aware of the need to give yourself time out

Don’t…

• Think of time-out as punishment or an alternate to spanking
• Expect your child to quietly sit still for a long time with nothing to do
• Try to reason with your child or engage in discussion during time-out
• Misuse or overuse this strategy
• Use time-out as a form of humiliation
• Use time-out as a threat
• Use fear-based strategies with time-out
• Leave your child alone

Issues to think about:

• Will you go with the standard time-out – one minute for each year of age?
• Will you allow your child to engage in a quiet, calming activity or expect him/her to simply sit quietly?
• Will you involve your child in choices in how s/he uses time-out?
• What if your child calms down before the established time is up?
• What if your child refuses to go to time-out or to stay in time-out?
• Where will the time-out area be located?
• Will you keep a written record to see if the targeted behavior is reduced?
• Can you avoid time-out by using redirection strategies?
• Will you give your child a prompt or warning first?
• What if your child engages in unsafe unkind behaviors?
• How will you make sure your child does not think of time-out as punishment?

Children need help with learning about appropriate and inappropriate behaviors. They need help with learning self-control. Some children require more patience and perseverance than others. Sometimes they simply need a little time-away from a situation in order to make better choices.

If your child is in need of an online tutor, find the best solution for your family.

Why is positivity so important? Think about it in terms of your own professional life. Which bosses or managers did you enjoy working with most? Did you benefit more from working experiences that involved positive feedback and constructive criticism — or from work environments rife with condescension and unhelpful, negative comments?

Of course, neither you nor an expert tutor are going to act like a "bad boss" in a tutoring session. But you may be sending negative messages without even knowing it; when your child picks up on these subtle cues, he may doubt his ability to learn and to succeed.

So, how can you make sure that feedback stays positive — and that constructive criticism truly is constructive? Try the following techiniques.

Pay careful attention. Help your student to correct a mistake immediately after she makes it, rather than rehashing a litany of mistakes at the end of the session. For example, if she mispronounces a word, gently correct her by pronouncing it for her (e.g., "We pronounce that word 'reliable'") and allow her to practice saying it ("Would you repeat the word after me?"). Make sure that the correction is a learning opportunity; do not interrupt her with a sharp "No!" (In fact, try to avoid the word "no" altogether.)

Use upbeat words. Just by participating in a tutoring session, your child is showing a commitment to learning. Show your appreciation for this commitment by framing your feedback in a positive way. For example, if he arrives at an incorrect answer when solving a geometry problem, but shows insight and accuracy in the proof, say something like: "Great! I can tell that you really understand the key concepts. Let's go back through the proof together — you've done all the work that will help us find the answer."

Focus on results. You (and your child) may be accustomed to equating "results" with "grades." But in tutoring sessions, it can be far more beneficial to equate "results" with "progress." Consider creating a progress chart (younger students love sticker-charts) that shows the amount of time your child has invested in her tutoring sessions. This visual aid will help her quantify her hard work. If she's showing improvement in school, consider making a line graph that clearly shows her progress over time.

No matter what subject your child is learning, positivity goes a long way and is one of the key ingredients for success. To find a tutor who will create personalized, upbeat sessions for your child, see the many resources here.